Shyness

Counselling To Help With Shyness

There are many self help books and experts in the world today on how to beat shyness for many these do not work as the reality is it can be to much for people to admit to been shy.

Often it can be confused with low self esteem and low self confidence but this is also untrue. The shyness can come about in dealing with the opposite sex to speaking in front of crowds and it can effect all ages from teenager to senior citizens all walks and professions in life.

Where an individual is confident in many situations shyness can hit in an uncomfortable situation with the individual. 

For some, it is situation specific, like interviews or delivering presentations, for others it is more general. Whilst shyness can be an endearing quality, excessive shyness can seriously impede us in our careers and relationships.

It is perfectly natural to be a little shy/timid in unfamiliar situations. Most people experience nerves when they are going somewhere they haven’t been before, or meeting someone new.

But for some people excessive shyness is a crippling problem associated with deep feelings of social anxiety, an inability to speak in public, feelings of embarrassment, low self esteem and low self image.

 

One of the main factors that feeds and reinforces excessive shyness is a deep need to be liked by others or comparing and judging ourselves against others.

We all want to be loved, accepted and feel secure, but when these needs become exaggerated it can lead to feeling extremely insecure in situations where these needs will not be met.

As a result, those situations are avoided. However, it is often the perception of lacking safety that is the problem, not the situation itself. In other words the individuals problem resides in what they believe to be true about the situation, which may not be the reality.

Our beliefs are closely associated with our sense of identity and as such we will defend them, even if they are holding us back. For example, the belief you cannot trust anyone is going to seriously impede your chances of embarking on a fulfilling personal relationship.

Most of the time we are not aware of our beliefs, but in many ways they dictate the quality of our lives. We can hold some beliefs so strongly that we will even sabotage ourselves so we can validate them.

Overpowering And Protects Us Subconsciously

The belief that we are no good becomes very real and that she/he wont like me can be overpowering and protects us subconsciously from actively pursuing the goal. Some beliefs are so active that they intrude on the individuals ability to differentiate between what is going on inside their heads and what is actually happening around them. They run a movie in their mind that distorts and interferes with the accurate perception of their reality.

For example you arrive at a party and you think everyone is talking about you, whereas this is unlikely to be the situation.

For most people who want to overcome their shyness, what they really want is to be comfortable in social situations. But remember, confidence is not the same as being comfortable. You may not be feeling comfortable on the inside but you can portray confidence on the outside. Counselling offers a safe place to talk about the shyness and uncover the roots of the issue.

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